Unexpected Blessings: Bella's Story

This past week sucked. As I struggled to find a topic for my weekly blog yesterday, after a week of emotional turmoil, I concluded that I didn’t want to ignore my current situation. Instead, I wanted to present to my readers from a place of authenticity. Perhaps doing so might also provide me with a way to grieve an impending loss, allowing me to move out of a place where I seem to be stuck. In sharing, I hope to offer a glimpse into the blessing we’ve been given: Bella Rose.

A Surprising Connection

I never wanted a dog. My husband and I were cat people through and through. From the time we started living together, we’ve always shared our home with at least two cats. We once tried fostering a dog that a family member couldn’t keep, but it didn’t go well. We found a new home that was a better fit for him. We also adopted a dog once, but, to our horror, she got loose on Thanksgiving, and we never found her. It was heartbreaking. So, we concluded that maybe we just weren’t dog people.

Then I met Bella. Her shelter name was Rosie at the time. I was at an event meeting at the Sacramento SPCA, and my friend Kristi was Bella’s foster mama. She’d brought Bella to the meeting because she was only six weeks old and couldn’t be left alone. I asked to hold her – a big mistake.

Bella fell asleep in my arms and stayed that way for the entire hour-long meeting. It had been a long time since I’d felt so connected to an animal. At the end of the meeting, I called my husband and asked how he felt about adopting a dog. He was hesitant but agreed to meet her the next day. As I suspected, he immediately fell in love with her as well.

We adopted Bella without knowing anything about raising a puppy. Thank goodness for YouTube and some amazing content creators! It was the end of February 2020, and the world was about to change dramatically.

A Pandemic Silver Lining

The pandemic worsened my depression and anxiety, and I experienced my first panic attack during this time. Bella quickly became more than just a pet; she became an emotional support animal. We rarely left the house during that first month, and when we did, Bella always came with us. Throughout that first year, she accompanied us everywhere.

I’m not sure if it annoys our friends, as they’ve always been too polite to say anything, but we rarely go anywhere without our dog. Sure, we’ll occasionally go to a movie or have a meal out, but we have a five-hour cap. That's the longest we can be away from the house – not because Bella needs to relieve herself, but because that's the longest we can stand to be away from her, and we’re certain she feels the same. Do we care if it’s unhealthy? Not really. We simply love and adore her that much. After all, she’s our daughter. Do we ever get away for the night? Yes, we do! But only at dog-friendly hotels. We have our favorites, all within driving distance and by the water, because Bella loves water as much as I do. It's very calming for us.

Facing the Unthinkable

Back in December, just a little over two weeks after Bella turned five, we received the news that she has lymphoma. This type of canine cancer is one of the most common in dogs, with 1 in 15 dogs developing lymphoma during their lifetime. Unfortunately, it is not curable. Lymphoma is more prevalent in older dogs, typically affecting those over eight, but age didn’t matter in Bella’s case.

We were told that with chemotherapy, Bella would have an 80% chance of remission, and her survival rate would be about 12-14 months. We also had the option of putting her on prednisone, which would only give her a few months of life. Without hesitation, we chose chemo, even though we didn’t know where we would find the $12,000 to pay for it.

Bella handled chemotherapy like a champ, experiencing only a few side effects like nausea and diarrhea when administered Doxorubicin. However, she experienced a lot of anxiety when going to the clinic, as she had to stay there for half a day during her treatments. Her separation anxiety was felt by us as well. Every time I dropped her off, I’d get back in my car and cry, having just watched her pull on her leash and whine because she didn’t want to go into the back of the clinic. I thought it would get easier as the treatments progressed, but she continued to struggle with this throughout the entire six months of her treatment, almost as if she was foreshadowing what was to come.

On August 18th, we noticed that the lymph nodes on the back of Bella’s knees were swollen. Our hearts sank. We immediately knew this was cause for concern and called the veterinary oncologist. We took Bella in right away, and they performed a cytology of the lymph node sites. The next day, we received news that shattered our world: Bella’s cancer was back. Her remission had lasted only two months. Our oncologist wasn’t very forthcoming with information, and I was too shocked to ask many questions, so I did my own research the next day.

A relapse this soon can mean that the lymphoma cells are resistant to the chemo drugs used in the CHOP method. It could also mean that Bella had a high-grade lymphoma or that her diagnosis was more advanced than we originally thought. She had been really sick in the beginning, rapidly declining in just a few days, so this made the most sense to me.

We knew without a doubt that we didn’t want to subject Bella to chemo again. Besides, even if successful, the outcome would only be a 40-50% remission rate, giving her just 2-4 months longer. It wasn’t worth the stress and money.

So, what now?

Cherishing Every Moment

I wrote a blog a couple of months back titled '10 Ways My Dog Inspired Me to Experience Joy.' Bella is one of those dogs who brings happiness to everyone she meets. At the dog park, she greets each human and every dog. When we dine out, each server gets a nuzzle (if they choose) when they take our order on the patio. Walking her through the neighborhood is a different story—people often cross the street. She’s huge, and people misjudge her as scary. 😊 But once they see her wagging tail and giant, lolling tongue and are brave enough to approach, they’re treated to a big helping of Bella love. In a nutshell, once you experience Bella Rose, you love Bella Rose. On our last visit to the oncology clinic, the vet tech said to me, 'We are going to miss her so much.' It’s an unusual thing to hear at an oncology clinic, where you’d expect something like, 'Congratulations, we hope we never see you again!' But I understood. She leaves pawprints on the heart, this girl.

It's one of my proudest moments when I get to tell people that she is part pitty because American Staffordshire Terriers fall into the pit bull category. The pit bull category of dogs is so misunderstood. Some people think their history, descending from dogs originally bred in England for bloodsports, reflects their natural behavior. It doesn’t. It’s a result of how they are treated and trained by humans.

Pit bull breeds – American Staffordshire Terriers, American Pit Bull Terriers, Staffordshire Bull Terriers – are loyal family dogs. They are eager to please and good with kids when raised responsibly.

Hope and Heartache

Cancer is cruel. It steals away energy, playfulness, and the joyful routines that defined our bond. Though we try to keep things 'normal,' my husband and I find ourselves drifting in and out of tears as we try to imagine what next year will look like without her. Then we sharply correct ourselves because it seems wrong to give up hope – hope that she might beat the odds stacked against her.

Then there’s that dog-human bond. Bella is always watching. We notice that on the days we are sad and sitting around, letting ourselves hit rock bottom, Bella also lies around with no energy. And the worst thing for a dog with lymphoma is to not move. So we rally. We must rally. For our Bella. I never wanted a dog, but I got one, and so much more. She’s more than a best friend. She’s our fur daughter. Bella’s like a soulmate – if an animal can be that for a human.

She was meant for us, and we were meant for her, even though it won’t be for the amount of time we had hoped for. But it will be the best damned amount of time that one dog has ever experienced. And that doesn’t suck.